Wednesday, October 24, 2012


Originally Appeared Here

I don't want to trouble my dad, he's already got his plate full
But I'm worried that I don't have a lot of reason to be grateful
Mardah's off to study entymology, away on Regulus III
And maybe when she's in college, she won't remember me
Pen my troubles to paper and set them on fire for renewal
Vaporize them like a phaser and maybe just a few will
Reach the prophets and I'll find a new love with a quickness
Cause now the crew's running 'round like horny teens with a polywater sickness(1)
Something's up with Mrs. Troi while we're wishing "Peldor joi"(2)
Makes for a raucous party that impresses Keldar's boy(3)
Dad's cracked the case and pins the blame on the ambassador
Explains to the major that must be why I made a pass at her
What we've experienced was a projection of affection
Intended to be aimed in the constable's direction
A combination of Zanthi fever and the depth of her emotion
Can't have Odo leave her lonesome just like Darmok on the ocean.(4)

  1. Sickness from the TOS episode "The Naked Time" which reduced the crew's inhibitions.
  2. Traditionally greeting during the Bajoran Gratitude Festival.
  3. Refers to Quark, son of Keldar.
  4. Tamarian metaphor for isolation and loneliness, describing Darmok before he landed on the island and met his friend Jalad.

Civil Defense

Originally Appeared Here

Converting ore processing to a deuterium refinery
When O'Brien sets it off in the depths of the binary
Subroutines that run things on the station
A security system becomes a sticky situation
Comm comes on, "Bajoran workers, please, your attention 
Lay down your arms and cease all your dissension"
Dad stands up as the real leader of the revolt
The computer doesn't buy it and it's time for us to bolt
When all our efforts escalate the counter-insurgency
A small snafu has turned into an emergency
When a disruptor appears and a crewman is shot
Never thought they'd be happy to see Gul Dukat
He says he'll help if he can place a garrison
A rock and a hard place would be the best comparison
But Gul Dukat gets caught when he tries to leave this place
And he has to stay and contemplate the depths of his disgrace
Dad can't get to Ops, we're all stopped by force fields
But he's still close enough to channel the reaction to the shields.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

The Abandoned

Originally Appeared Here

Gambler says to let it ride and then he gives a whirl
Forgot the first rule of Dabo- watch the wheel, not the girl
You know that I'm in love with my Dabo wheel spinner
But I'm still unprepared to bring her home for dinner
You see, I'm worried that my dad just can't be impartial
More of a Cardassian trial(1) than a fair court martial
'Cause it seems like his judgement's been passed in advance
Made up his mind about Mardah before she ever had a chance
But she explains about my skills and my knack for an end rhyme
While the doctor and the chief are hunting for an enzyme
They say this drug dependency is a cold blooded thing to do
Even to an enemy soldier they want to analyze like Hugh(2)
So the Jem'hadar's discharged to the custody of the Constable
As the one the boy will listen to Odo has to be responsible
But there's nothing he can do, it's in his blood to fight
All that's left for Odo is tell the major she was right.
  1. As established in "Tribunal", the verdict of all Cardassian trials is decided before they begin, and the verdict is always guilty.
  2. Borg youth recovered by the Enterprise-D crew in "I, Borg". Picard debated the ethics of using a sentient being as a weapon, even against their most powerful enemies.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

The House of Quark

Originally Appeared Here

Sorry 'bout last week, didn't mean to procrastinate
But y'all understand that sometimes rappin' has to wait
'Cause dad took his officers, and even roped in Odo
Left me behind to run this 'hood like I was Robert DeSoto(1)
Now they come back through the wormhole with news of the Founders
Everyone feels unsafe and the businesses all flounder
Quark's clientele picks up when he tells a tall tale
That's all exaggeration, like Li Nalas and Zarael(2)
He's taken by Grilka and Tumek(3)- I think I met that guy before-
To come with them to Qo'noS and help them beat D'Ghor
Quark uncovers the brother's scheme, it's one without honor
D'Ghor responds with a challenge, and Quark's sure he's a goner.
But when he'd kill an unarmed coward, Gowron is shocked
D'Ghor's cast out of the Council as a dishonorable petaQ(4)
Quark's counting latinum in the bar, back to his old habits
Recounts the story for Rom just like Lenny and the rabbits(5).

  1. Captain of the Hood, and former commanding officer of Will Riker
  2. Bajoran resistance leader Li Nalas's reputation grew based on the story of him defeating Gul Zarale in hand-to-hand combat. Nalas later confessed he simply shot the unarmed Zarale in his underwear.
  3. A reference to Jake's previous rap battle against Tumak.
  4. Klingon curse word
  5. The character Lennie in Of Mice and Men is sustained by his friend George's stories of a future where  he lives off the fat of the land and tends rabbits.

The Jem'Hadar

Originally Appeared Here
Headin' through the wormhole to survey like Richard Dawson(1)
For a routine mission, shoulda exercised some caution-
Dad's readings of life signs turn out to be specious
When the camp is broken up by some chick's telekinesis
The three of them are captured by the Jem'hadar
Who know all about 'em, they've been watching from afar.
Back on the station, they rally 'round the Odyssey
But Captain Keogh's arrogant, got no time for modesty
The ships show up and carry out the rescue
They beat a retreat when an enemy gets through
Their defenses for a kamikaze run
Forget the Captain 'cause he's done
Quark confronts my pop, tells him the captive's shackle was a fake
And then that's where we stop, you'll have to wait 'til Fall to hear from Jake.

  1. Original host of the game show Family Feud, where contestants are quizzed on survey results.

Saturday, October 6, 2012


Originally Appeared Here

You know I flow like a river, just like the Rio Grande(1)
Coming back through the wormhole, but it doesn't go as planned.
Kira and Bashir cross over to an alternate reality
Of dubious morality, Terrans treated with brutality
And the Intendant's the one who cows them all to submission
So in love with herself this must've been her lifelong ambition(2)
As she explains to herself what the Terrans did to the Bajorans
Pushed her over the edge, like the Borg with Dr. Soran(3)
Not like Soren's not sure if she's a boy or a girl(4)
But like Soran become Death, the destroyer of worlds(5)
And baby, I got verses like arms on Shiva(6)
Got jams so def that the people call me Riva(7)

Maybe he could come to the station for a little mediation
'Cause all the different players have their own motivation 
Garak expresses to the Major that he's got his own agenda
Make a swap at the top like The Prisoner of Zenda(8)
But while they're convening in Quarks for a night of entertainment
There's a diversion in the mines, busted thorium containment
No one wastes a second to make the most of the distraction
Attack back at the Alliance, humans springing into action.
Infecting humans with hope, the Doctor's caused an epidemic
Odo tries to stop him, gets his head blown up like Remmick(9)
Gotta make a run through the wormhole, even if it's hazardous
Or else they're lost forever, just like asking "What of Lazarus?"(10)

  1. All the runabouts on Deep Space Nine are named after Earth rivers.
  2. From The Undiscovered Country, after Kirk is incredulous that he kissed the shapeshifter which has now assumed his form.
  3. Villain of Star Trek: Generations, who claims to he wouldn't have hurt a fly before the Borg killed his entire family.
  4. From TNG's "The Outcast", about androgynous J'naii. Also a reference to David Bowie's "Rebel, Rebel".
  5. Line from the Bhagavad Gita, famously quoted by Robert Oppenheimer on the occasion of the first atomic bomb test.
  6. Multi-armed Hindu deity, serving as the Destroyer or Transformer among the Trimurti.
  7. Deaf mediator from TNG's "Loud as a Whisper"
  8. Classic adventure novel, where a monarch is replaced by an identical tourist, to avoid revealing the true king has been kidnapped.
  9. Starfleet commander who served as a host for the alien insect queen in "Conspiracy", and suffered perhaps the goriest death in Star Trek history.
  10. From the closing of TOS's "The Alternative Factor", where a scientist Lazarus and his insane alternate universe double are left locked in an eternal struggle.

Blood Oath

You know we got Kang, we got Koloth and Kor
Three bad-ass Klingons and they're headed to war
Kor's starting a ruckus and spends the night in jail
Koloth shows up in the office to pay his buddy's bail
Pops out of thin air and his appearance is brutal
Got a stache like Fu Manchu(1) and a haircut like a poodle
Looks with derision on the drunk in the prison
Won't even listen when Jadzia wants to got with 'em

That's right, we got Kor, we got Koloth, and Kang
Don't want this sexy new Dax to join in their gang
On their quest for vengenace to kill the albino,
She's in better shape than all of them, but what the hell do I know?
But they see her swing a bat'leth and it starts to give them pause
They think the new host could still bring honor to their cause
To fight a child-killer who used a virus and genetics
Instead of fight them man to man, he's really that pathetic

So now it's Kang and Kor and Koloth and Dax
In orbit of the planet when Kang spills the facts
It wasn't a plan for battle, it was a plan for suicide.
Klingons are the ones in the Kobayashi Maru(2) this time.
Koloth tells him this trap is what you get when you deal with the devil
Should never have believed this guy would play on the level
They can trust him to fight fair 'cause he's always been a coward
But now they're bustin' in his lair and his guns have been de-powered
Kick down his door, "Look upon your executioners!"
They're about to rip your heart out and send you straight to Lucifer
Or the gates of Gre'thor and the face of Fek'lhr(3)
Not Three Musketeers, but three masters of Dahar.

  1. A style of mustache extending below the lips and on either side of the chin.
  2. Starfleet Academy simulation exercise involving a rescue on the Klingon-Federation border, famous for being impossible to win.
  3. Klingon equivalent of Hell, and the monster who guards its entrance, respectively.

Friday, October 5, 2012


Originally Appeared Here
Back with feats of linguistic legerdemain, and a degree of intrepidity(1)
The beat sticks in your brain and the words have a fluidity
While I fire off lyrical missiles as limitless as Voyager's torpedos(2)
Pop copes with disproportionate punishments like the Justice of the Edo(3)
Like when Alixus sticks him in the box like he was Alec Guiness(4)
Just because O'Brien had tried to hail their pinnace(5)
So he could the medicine and the sick girl could be healed,
Only to be stymied by the duonetic field.
Which wasn't from astatine, Alixus makes no apology
She crashed here on purpose to get away from technology
But Miles outwits her and rescues my dad,
'Cause homeboy's got skills that he never knew he had.

  1. Quote from Spock in The Undiscovered Country when Uhura attempts to bluff her way past the Klingon border patrol.
  2. Despite being stranded in the Delta Quadrant with only 38 photon torpedoes in the pilot episode, the U.S.S. Voyager never appeared to run low on armaments.
  3. From TNG's "Justice", where even minor infractions are met with the death penalty if they occur inside of a designated "punishment zone".
  4. In The Bridge On the River Kwai, Alec Guiness's character is punished in much the same manner as Commander Sisko.
  5. A small vessel used as a tender, in this case referring to the runabout.