Saturday, May 12, 2012

The Circle

Originally Appeared Here
Lyrics like fire, take you out in a minute, boy
'Cause your rhymes are just warm wind blowin' in from Minicoy(1)
Quark's doing to what he can to earn the constable's trust
Catch Kressari running guns, help Odo make a bust.
Why don't you be my deputy, whatcha say, Quark?
Odo needs an ally while he's breaking in the Navarch
The Ferengi wants incentive that's a little more monetary
While Kira's sweatin', settin' stones at the monastery
She's not used to being useless, rather die with her boots on
Just then Winn butts in sportin' a hat by Jorn Utzon(2)
Talks all high and holy and on the straight and narrow
But she's secretly in league with the Circle's center, Jaro
Kira's kidnapped by the masked men right in the arboretum,
Quark locates their hide out so the rescue team can beat 'em 
They're all back on the station to prepare a last stand
Starfleet orders evacuation, but Sisko's got a plan.

  1. Island Home of an ambassador Commander Sisko knew, who was full of hot air.
  2. Architecht of the Sydney Opera House, which Winn's hat resembles.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

The Homecoming

Originally Appeared Here
I got synonyms like Data(1), metaphors like a Tamarian(2),
A simile assimilator with more game than a Ktarian(3).
Within one man, I'm a whole Federation
Who can wreck an MC with no hesitation
But sometimes I make peace just to sow some confusion(4)
Sometimes I like the holosuite though it's all an illusion
It all starts out when Kira sees an earring
So she borrows the Chief away from engineering
And she's off to rescue any prisoners that remain 
Bluffin' past the border, Rulot seeds al a Gul Marayn(5)
She brings Li Nalas back to the station,
But you're gonna have to wait for the continuation.

  1. Data had a habit of rattling off long lists of synonyms in the dark, early days of TNG
  2. Alien race from Darmok who spoke entirely in metaphors
  3. Alien race from TNG's The Game
  4. The 76th Rule of Acquisition: "Every once in a while declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies."
  5. A reference to the "allamaraine" rhyme from Move Along Home

In the Hands of the Prophets

Just like a jumja stick(1), they say I'm naturally sweet
Just give the drum a kick and let me rap to the beat.
Too many fake MC's, fake raps I ain't buyin',
I gotta take these fools to school like I was Keiko O'Brien.
She drops science on wormholes, Johnny Wheeler and Weyl(2)
While in Ops, O'Brien's unaware Neela has it in for Bareil
She plans assassination once he gets on the station
But it's all being done on Winn Adami's instigation
Who's come to DS9 to claim they teach blasphemy
To tell these fine Bajoran girls they can't come to class with me.
Dad, it's crazy as saying the sun revolves around the Earth,
Ignoring Galileo just like Jay Z(3) or the Church.
He wants to make room for all of the philosophies
People on each side put aside their animosities
But some don't wanna talk it out, they're settin' off a bomb,
So Sisko brings Bareil to make everybody calm.
But he doesn't understand this was the plan all along
Lure the Vedek to the station like a siren song
They thwart the plot before he's shot, then he's jettin' off, it's
Been Too Short a Season(4) in the hands of the prophets.
  1. Bajoran confection which O'Brien lauds for its "natural sweetness"
  2. John Wheeler and Hermann Weyl were both general relatvity theorists. Wheeler coined the term "wormhole" in 1957, though Weyl had already proposed some of the underlying mathematical theory in 1921.
  3. Jay Z's song "It's Hot (Some Like It Hot)" contains the scientifically inaccurate line, "thirty-eight revolve like the sun around the earth"
  4. Too Short a Season was an episode in the first season of Star Trek: The Next Generation

Dramatis Personae

Busting out rhymes and flexing my vocabulary,
You know I flow like Odo, my man in the constabulary
Microphone check, one-two, is this thing on?
All hands on deck, we're beaming up a Klingon
No time for valedictory, he just declares a victory
Then he's nothing but history, the whole thing's a mystery
Freighter's full of dolamide like Rudy Ray More(1)
Traders from the other side in the Cardassian war.
Kira wants to detain them, settle the score with these fools
It's clear that they obtained the ore on Ultima Thule
The crew is acting crazy, run by psychic auras
Released from a sphere like a box of Pandora's
Klingons wanted a weapon to make their enemies tremble,
Instead they got Sisko in his quarters tryin' to assemble
A clock, with gears complex as Odo's machinations
To block a coup in the crew and save the whole station
The interference signal banishes the telepathic matrix,
Disperses before it manifests on any other spaceships.
  1.  Star of blaxploitation classic Dolemite

Thursday, May 3, 2012


On the mic again, it's the rappin' Jake Sisko
I'mma drop another verse this week even at the risk o'
Getting over-exposed like wedding on Betazed(1)
Poppin' up again like an ages-old Data's head(2).
Kira's talking to Mullibok, trying to get him off of Jerrado
This farm is all he's got, he's not about to let it go.
Like a cockroach he's tenacious(3), holding on like a fanatic
While I try to broach negotiations- Nog, give that guy some static
With my boy in the cargo hold and we're wheeling and dealing
Got us a gross of stem bolts, and you know they're self sealing
But I got a good feeling real estate is more appealing
Tessipates like Earl Grey(4) compared to Darjeling
Now there's demand for the land of the Noh-Jay Consortium
Got 'em where we want 'em then we squeeze like an accordion.
  1. Betazoid weddings are traditionally held in the nude.
  2. In TNG's Time's Arrow, an ancient copy of Data's head is found beneath the city of San Francisco.
  3. The Tenacity of the Cockroach was the first book published by the A.V. Club
  4. Captain Picard's tea of choice, apparently superior to Darjeeling.

If Wishes Were Horses...

Originally Appeared Here

And if wishes were horses, even beggars would ride.
Plotting courses straight through to the Alpha Quadrant side.
Where we party all night on the Deep Space Nine,
And dreams come true underneath the starshine
Now Quark's got a girlie on each arm, sweet and hot like raktajino(1)
Doesn't see the problem til he's losing cash in his casino
But then Odo gets distracted by the Gunji Jackdaws
Running down the promenade, people standing slackjawed
It's all fun and games until a subspace oscillation
Threatens to displace every face upon the station.
Bokai explains the situation, says it's about imagination
Leaves my dad a baseball for his desk, just a tchotchke
Then homeboy peaces out, walking off like Mazeroski(2).

  1. Klingon coffee that appears throughout the series.
  2. Pirates infielder who hit the first World-Series-Ending walk-off home run in 1960, a feat which Buck Bokai evidently duplicated.

Battle Lines

Originally Appeared Here

There I was with my boys spittin' bars on the Promenade,
They're hangin' on [my] every word like my name was Scheherazade(1)
While I'm layin' down my lyrics, ready for some battle rhymes
My pops is in the GQ(2) fightin' on the Battle Lines
With Kira and Bashir and some space-pope Bajoran
 And some ugly ass mothers who have always been warrin'
Killin all the time with with the Nol and the Ennis
Death bouncing back and forth like a deadly game of tennis
The crew gets rescued but they leave the Kai Opaka 
She'll take their brutal culture and transform it like Masaka(3).

  1. From 1001 Arabian Nights.  Her ability to keep the king interested in her tales saves her life.
  2. Short for  Gamma Quadrant, not Gentleman's Quarterly.
  3. From TNG's Masks, where a space probe takes over the ship and begins transforming it into a temple to Masaka.