Tuesday, December 24, 2013

In the Pale Moonlight

Dad's gotta convince the Romulans to enter in the war
Committed to a plan, like he was stepping through that door
When the news comes in they lost the battle for Betazed
Abandon the planet like Sarpeidons and A-to-zed(1)
But other times he finds he's unsure of that position
Make a bribe to Quark, his faith in Rules of Acquisition
Is restored, dad's doubts get ignored
'Cause now there's a senator coming on board
Rod's fraudulent, but show the Romulans
And maintain that it's perfectly cromulent(2)
Like trying to bluff Balok back aboard the Fesarius(3)
But Captain Kirk's associates were never this nefarious
With the truth exposed, so Romulus goes from neutral to opponent
A fair approximation(4), but it only convinced him for a moment
Until it's clear that Garak just wanted him on the station
To plant a bomb on his shuttle, looks like Dominion assassination
Is it abandoning what he stands for, or protecting the Greater Good?(5)
Just like Sandford NWA hiding Under the Hood(6)
One senator, one crook, and unless he's off the mark
Starfleet's struck a bargain would be the envy of Quark
  1. Mr. Atoz was a librarian who oversaw the atavachron, used by inhabitants of the planet Sarpeidon to escape an imminent supernova in the episode "All Our Yesterdays".
  2. Neologism from The Simpsons episode "Lisa the Iconoclast",  meaning valid or acceptable.
  3. From TOS's "The Corbomite Maneuver",  where Captain Kirk successfully bluffs the captain of the Fesarius.
  4. Senator Vreenak's description of the replicated Kali-fal, which could also be applied to the holographic simulation.
  5. From Hot Fuzz, where the Sandford Neighborhood Watch Association, in hooded cloaks, kills undesirable elements claiming it was for "the greater good".
  6. Autobiography of the superhero Nite Owl / Hollis Mason in Watchmen, who was portrayed by Stephen McHattie (Senator Vreenak) in the film version.

Monday, December 16, 2013

Inquisition

Originally Appeared Here

I'm back with some rhymes, Bashir is seeking warmer climes
Gonna get away to a conference on Casperia Prime
He's stopped in that ambition, an unexpected inquisition(1)
Sloan badgers the crew, tries to force a guilty admission
Says the Dominion had turned him, back during internment
When dad intervenes, Sloan says It's not you concern, man
Super deep cover, Iliana Ghemor,(2)
Sloan wants the doctor kept in jail through the war
Snatched from his cell by Weyoun, says they've been through this before.
But the charade starts to show,
O'Brien's shoulder healed like John Doe(3)
Convinces Section 31 to shut down their holographic tableau
Bashir sees they're unscrupulous,
can't believe Starfleet would stoop to this
Up against Obsidian Order, they may have their usefulness.
It's not all sexy babes and sippin' Saurian brandy(4),
But all that time playing spy might still come in handy.


  1. From the famous Monty Python skit, where "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
  2. From DS9's "Second Skin", in which Major Kira is told her memories were implanted as part of her cover, and that she was a spy (named Iliana Ghemor) without knowing it, much as Bashir is told by Sloan in this episode.
  3. In the TNG episode "Transfigurations", the Zalkonian known as John Doe heals Chief O'Brien's dislocated shoulder with a touch.
  4. Alcoholic beverage appearing throughout Star Trek.


Monday, November 11, 2013

Waltz

Originally Appeared Here

A reversal of fortune like my man Martus Mazur (1)
On trial for crimes against people of Bajor
Dad has doubts about Dukat's mental fitness
But agrees to come along and testify as a witness
Under attack and they crash at some gloomy latitude
Saved dad's life, gotta show the Gul some gratitude
Check the transmitter to make sure it stays on
Sees he's been deceived like Iyaaran Liaisons(2)
Dukat wants his judgement in place of the trial he's missing
Gets him going on Bajor and he starts reminiscing
About new-caught, sullen peoples(3) and Cardassian authority
They want to be equals, didn't recognize superiority
Picking up the tempo from a waltz to a flamenco
Firing phasers at ghosts like Alexander Rozhenko(4)
Says he should've laid them to waste like Uxbridge with Husnock(5)
If he had another chance, what would he do, Spock?
"Total complete absolute annihilation"(6)
That's when dad gets the upper hand, takes command of the situation
Dukat effects and escape in a shuttle before the Defiant's retrieval
He's become more charmless than Armus(7), he's only pure evil.
  1. From the episode "Rivals", Mazur had a probability-altering device that initially brought him good luck, followed by a run of bad luck.
  2. In the TNG episode "Liaisons", one of the Iyaaran ambassadors kept Picard on a hostile planet under false pretenses, claiming his shuttle was damaged.
  3. From Rudyard Kipling's poem "The White Man's Burden", justifying imperialism as a duty of the superior colonizers and a benefit to the colonized. This parallels Dukat's attitude toward the occupation of Bajor.
  4. Worf's son, who mistook a simulation program for a Jem'Hadar attack in "Sons and Daughters".
  5. Kevin Uxbridge was the human identity assumed by an omnipotent Douwd. He destroyed every last member of the Husnock race after their attack on a Federation colony killed Uxbridge's wife.
  6. Quote from Spock in the TOS episode "The Alternative Factor", describing what will happen if Lazarus meets his duplicate from the anti-matter universe.
  7. Armus was a malevolent entity formed from all of the evil and negative attributes left behind by an unknown race.

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Statistical Probabilities

Originally Appeared Here

Getting away from their home facility
Helping out computing statistical probability
They interrupt a meeting, say hello to my dad
Saying listen, there it goes again
Buzzing like a Scalosian(1)
Why don't you fix it dear fellow before I go mad
Show infinite diversity in infinite combination
All cancels out like a path integration(2)
Bashir checks the analysis, can't find any faults
Dad says the job was well done
Forecast the future like Seldon(3)
Now they're spinning like a spaceship to the Blue Danube Waltz(4)
Further analysis borders on treasonous
Preventing loss of life, that's what the reason is
But Bashir gets released, it doesn't go as they planned
Says we can change the course of history(5)
Everyday people like you and me
Even against the odds, it's worth making a stand.

  1. From TOS's "Wink of an Eye", the Scalosians experienced time at a much slower rate than the Enterprise crew. They were heard only as a buzzing similar to insects until they accelerated Captain Kirk into their time frame.
  2. Richard Feynman developed the path integral formulation of quantum mechanics, where quantum amplitudes are computed by integrating over all possible paths. Paths far from that of minimal action typically cancel out and the system approaches the classical trajectory.
  3. In Isaac Asimov's Foundation series, Hari Seldon developed the science of psychohistory for the probabilistic prediction of future events.
  4. "An der schönen blauen Donau", a waltz by Johann Strauss II commonly known as "The Blue Danube" in English and appearing in this episode, was famously used to score the space station docking sequence in 2001: A Space Odyssey
  5. From Afrika Bambaataa's "Renegades of Funk", the third verse begins 'Now renegades are people with their own philosophy / They change the course of history /Everyday people like you and me'

Saturday, September 28, 2013

Favor the Bold / Sacrifice of Angels

Originally Appeared Here

Martok and Starfleet spring a trap on the Dominion
If only small victories could bring them away from oblivion
Nevermind a Vorta with a background in creative genetics(1)
Editing my verses with no sense of aesthetics
Fortune favors the bold, dad urges the admirals to battle
Itching like Autry to get back in the saddle(2)
Even as the man who made our minefield solution
Lies locked in Odo's office awaiting execution
Dukat boasts about Cardassian capacity for conversation
Somehow overlooks dad's tenacity in retaking the station

Coming into Quark's, that's where Damar busted me
Ordered all of our resistance taken away into custody
Meantime the Defiant's charging into the blockade
Incoming like a light brigade(3) into the fray unafraid
Now Dukat's wishing the Defiant can make it there for the occasion
Goes right into the wormhole to head off the invasion

Dad explains they're of Bajor, they should act like it mattered
Oh, they blow with their winds and Dominion was scattered(4)
Weigh the price to beat the changelings and I guess it isn't so bad
Never find rest on Bajor, will dad always be a nomad?(5,6)
  1. In the episode "In the Cards", Weyoun informs Nog he has a background in creative genetics.
  2. Cowboy entertainer Gene Autry's signature song was "Back in the Saddle Again"
  3. Before entering the battle, Miles O'Brien and Julian Bashir quote from Alfred, Lord Tennyson's "The Charge of the Light Brigade"
  4. "He blew with His winds, and they were scattered" was a famous phrase from the aftermath of the defeat of the Spanish Armada, which was broken up by a violent storm.
  5. With the previous line, may refer to the space probe Nomad from the TOS episode "The Changeling"
  6. The acrostic refers to the secret message the resistance cell was able to send to warn Captain Sisko, via Jake's courier Morn.


Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Rocks and Shoals

Originally Appeared Here

They managed the destruction of the ketracel facility
But it cost the stolen ship all its warp capability
Facing off against a Jem'Hadar threat
Suspicions between Cardassian and cadet
Garak's impressed, says there may be hope for you yet
While I'm in position that makes my dad nervous
Reporting from the frontlines to Federation News Service
But where I am back on the station
They won't let me call it occupation
Weyoun says the words I choose have negative connotations
Kira tries to play along and let the past be bygone
Until Yassim's suicidal protest, she's Quang Duc in Saigon(1)
Upset by the things that she ignored before,
'Cause Bajor can't afford a war
Gonna Kick that Vorta's ass and send 'em off to Vorta Vor(2)
Meantime behind the lines my dad's crew is stranded
Communications destroyed when the ship crash landed
But Keevan says he's got a plan
He's selling out Remata'Klan
Dad stops the Jem'Hadar but not before they shot a man
Then their superior comes strolling in, saving his own hide
They're heading back for home with him along for the ride

  1. Thich Quang Duc was a Buddhist monk who burned himself to death in a Saigon intersection to protest the persecution of Buddhists by the South Vietnamese government.
  2. Idyllic location in Romulan mythology, more akin to the Garden of Eden than heaven or an afterlife.


Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Call To Arms

Originally Appeared Here

Sometimes I feel I've spent too long hanging out on the periphery
Need to get down in the thick of things and practice my word-smithery
And hang out on the front lines, 'cause there's a war on the horizon
Even when some days I wanna run away, and would rather be a Risan(1)
Realized was was unavoidable when talking with the Vorta
About blocking the wormhole, making deadly mines like a Horta(2)
And like a solid tunnel, he ain't cavin' in, won't be another Chamberlain(3)
Make the same story of appeasement even if it's not the same Berlin
But they'll have to get by without Starfleet reinforcement
So the non-aggression treay gets the emissary's endorsement
It's a sure way to save the planet he's pledged to protect
In case the war with the Dominon goes worse then they expect
Like the race to the swift or the battle to the strong(4)
But he left behind his baseball, Dukat knows my dad'll be along

  1. Federation pleasure planet, far removed from most of the problems facing Starfleet.
  2. In TOS's "The Devil in the Dark", the Horta is a silicon-based lifeform that killed miners on Janus IV when her eggs were threatened.
  3. Neville Chamberlain was the Prime Minister in the early days of World War II, known for his policy of appeasement in response to German aggression.
  4. From Ecclesiastes 9:11, the verse was referenced in the DS9 episode title ",,,Nor the Battle to the Strong".

Sunday, June 23, 2013

In the Cards

Originally Appeared Here

If starfleet doesn't act soon, there won't be any ships left
While Odo sees an increase in small crime and petty theft
I hit upon an idea, man, I gotta get that card
Just cast my bid at the auction, can't be that hard
Drink at the bar, play dom jot or we wait
'Til Quark is crying out our Lot Forty-Eight(1)
Nog's instincts kick in as bidding goes higher
All instilled in youth, "Acquire, Brak, acquire!"(2)
Giger's won and babbling 'bout some orthodoxy jargon
Finally hears us out and for the box, we bargain
Says his clarion call of destiny was muted like a post horn(3)
By a bunch of soulless minions, to secrecy we're both sworn
Explains it some, like Jameson, he tries to fight his aging(4)
Items he requires, against the dying light he's raging(5)
Great material continuum runs like a river through the station(6)
Shoot the rapids like O'Brien, or try some water reclamation
Do it for my dad because we care, Nog's retrievin' Kukalaka(7)
While I crack jokes like Fozzie Bear for Kira, goin' Wocka wocka(8)
But I gotta bear in mind that the soul of wit is brevity(9)
Make like your species is an Elysian(10) and try to bring some levity
Giger's underneath Weyoun, he gives his new machine a try
That guy is one unlucky loonie(11), and I blame it on the Kai
So an emcee, son of emissary, harasses her eminence
Flings wild accusations without any evidence
Under dad's orders, we're confined to our quarters
Now we're getting picked up by the vorta's transporters
Nog says I need perspective, get my eye on the ball
But maybe this will be our chance to get away from it all(12)
Tell Weyoun the truth, he doesn't believe our situation
Until he sees it's not just an excuse for a lack of imagination(13)
Something happened in background in the midst of all our schemin'
Managed to decrease disorder on the station like a Maxwell's demon(14)
Cummulative effect of setting a lot of small things right
Find a something that'll make you smile even in the darkest night

  1. The velvet painting introduced by Quark immediately after auctioning he box containing the Willie Mays baseball card was numbered Lot Forty-Nine, in reference to Thomas Pynchon's The Crying of Lot 49.
  2. Ferengi character in stories similar to Dick and Jane, Quark used to read Brak stories to Nog as a young child.
  3. A second reference to The Crying of Lot 49, the muted post horn was a symbol of a secret, underground postal service.
  4. From TNG's "Too Short a Season", Admiral Mark Jameson self-administered an unstable age-reversing medicine.
  5. From Dylan Thomas's "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night", a villanelle containing the repeated line, "Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
  6. Ferengi spiritual concept, of binding force of life that flows like a river through everything.
  7. Julian Bashir's teddy bear, introduced in "The Quickening".
  8. Fozzie Bear is a muppet character who tells (often painfully bad) jokes, followed by his catchphrase "Wocka wocka wocka!"
  9. From Hamlet, Act II, Scene 4, Polonius tells Gertrude that "brevity is the soul of wit".
  10. Elysia was an alternate universe introduced in TAS's "The Time Trap". However, it may be more likely a typo of Elaysian, the low-gravity race introduced in DS9's "Melora", which would fit with the use of levity as the opposite of gravity.
  11. In "Blaze of Glory", Michael Eddington asked Captain Sisko about his "lucky looney", an antique coin he had left behind with his other belongings when he defected to the Maquis.
  12. From Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, when Kirk and McCoy use the last coordinates in the Regula One transporters to find Dr. Marcus.
  13. Quote from Elim Garak in "Improbable Cause", that "The truth is usually just an excuse for a lack of imagination."
  14. Thought experiment from physicist James Clerk Maxwell, the demon is an entity that preferentially allows fast molecules to pass in one direction, lowering entropy. Here it parallels Jake and Nog's efforts to increase happiness by redistributing items on the station. It also figures in the previously referenced The Crying of Lot 49.

Monday, June 17, 2013

Blaze of Glory

Originally Appeared Here

Quark creates a panic when Morn stops in to wet his whistle
While dad gets a transmission that Maquis launched the missles
So he turns to his old opponent, offers a chance for atonement
Michael says it ain't worth it, his life's already forfeit
Can't catch invisible missiles when you know  they fly so fast
It's impossible, they're unstoppable, as they say, the die is cast(1)
But even if the conversation doesn't really go as dad planned
Eddington's out of incarceration and they set off for the Badlands
Turns out it was all ruse and dad did just what he expected
While here Klingon are acting rude and Nog is disrespected
Says I'm spreading lies that are scurrilous and scandalous
General Martok's in our spot, Nog's sure he can handle this
He's either stupid or brave, earns a grudging admiration
Just like the man who saved dad from a deadly situation
Held off the Jem'Hadar, make sure everyone gets back alright
At the cost of his own life, another never-ending sacrifice(2)
Just a couple days before, he refused to do what needed getting done
Gone out in a Blaze of Glory, like Seyetik shot into the setting sun(3)
Now dad's left alone to ponder on the mystery of Mr. Eddington

  1. Idiom used to refer to Julius Caesar crossing the Rubicon, meaning he had passed the point of no return. It was also the title of a season three episode.
  2. Cardassian novel, recommended to Dr. Bashir by Garak.
  3.  Gideon Seyetik was a terraformer who piloted a shuttlepod into a dead star he hoped to reignite.

Monday, June 10, 2013

Children of Time

Originally Appeared Here

If they make it through the barrier, it'll be smooth sailing
But they find familiar faces from the surface now are hailing
Say they've made some calculations, can create a quantum duplicate
Until Jadzia wonders if he wants them to go through with it
You think you trust Yedrin, but Dax predicts he tricks us
And all along planned to strand them on a planet like Alixus(1)
Kira says that's how it's gotta be, maybe the prophets are testin' me
Folks on the Defiant can't be afraid to face their destiny
Not worthy of warriors to wait for their slaughter like cattle
Worf says he can lead Mogh's sons and daughters to battle
Tells them time is their enemy, a beast stalking an El-Aurian(2)
Fade 'em out like McFly in fifty-five with a souped-up Delorean(3)
But while they're sowing seeds, decide against the course correction
Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra, cooperation forming a connection(4)
Instead of Children of Tama, now it's the Children of Time
They can't face erasing, Picard mucking up primordial slime(5)
Someone overrode the autopilot, constable's other self was liable
But for saving Nerys, the older Odo thought it was justifiable

  1. From Season Two 's "Paradise", where Alixus stranded a ship of colonists to force them to live by her anti-technology philosophy.
  2. From Star Trek: Generations, the El-Aurian scientest Dr. Soran tells Picard that time is like a predator, stalking its prey.
  3. Refers to Back to the Future, when Marty McFly's actions in 1955 nearly cause him to erase himself from the timeline.
  4. In TNG's "Darmok", Captain Dathon fights a common enemy with Captain Picard, so they will learn to understand each other. The Tamarians in the episode are also referred to as the Children of Tama.
  5. In TNG's "All Good Things...", an anti-time anomaly created by Captain Picard threatens to erase all life on earth from the timeline.


Sunday, June 2, 2013

Ties of Blood and Water

Originally Appeared Here

Tekeny Ghemor ship is docking at the station
Explains he escaped before the Dominion invasion
But he has to tell Nerys it doesn't matter what you thought
He can't run their resistance, play De Gaulle(1) to Gul Dukat
'Cause he knows he's gonna shuffle off before they get too far
Sooner if someone slips some poison in his bottle of Kanar
It runs a little thicker than the ties of blood and water
And the Major's the closest thing Tekeny's got to a daughter
'Cause recall she was altered like Rakal of Tal Shiar(2)
And if we can't trust our memory how do we know who we are
Running deep cover, an implanted past like Arissa(3)
And told she was Cardassian instead of Bajoran Militia

Now the Legate's gone Leggatt, 'cause he's gotta be a Secret Sharer(4)
And the Major runs away when his history starts to scare her
But no one deserves that in the end, from a legate down to clerk(5)
Unless you've always known you'll die alone like your name was Captain Kirk(6)
So by his side they converse, 'til he takes a turn for the worse
While Dukat's playing sick games and his pleasure is perverse
Twist Ghemor for his own purpose before there's rigor mortis(7)
But Kira's got the body on Bajor, we're talkin' habeas corpus.(8)

  1. Charles De Gaulle opposed the surrender of France to the invading Nazis, and later led the Free French Forces during World War II.
  2. In TNG's "Face of the Enemy", Counselor Troi was altered to appear as a Romulan, much like Major Kira in "Second Skin".
  3. From "A Simple Investigation", Arissa was the alias of an Idanian investigator who had her memories erased for an undercover operation. A similar tactic was used when Ghemor's daughter Iliana infiltrated the Bajoran resistance. 
  4. In Joseph Conrad's "The Secret Sharer", a man named Leggatt sneaks aboard a ship at night and confesses a murder to the captain.
  5. May refer to Aamin Marritza, the Cardassian file clerk from "Duet" who formed a bond with Major Kira.
  6. In Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Captain Kirk tells Spock and McCoy that he's always known he'll die alone.
  7. Rigor mortis is a chemical change in the muscles after death, causing limbs to become stiff and difficult to manipulate.
  8. Latin for literally, "may you have the body", it is a writ preventing people from being imprisoned without a trial.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

By Inferno's Light


Originally Appeared Here

No guard tower or stockades or electronic frontier(1)
But if you can't survive the elements, then you'd better stay in here
Like Kirk and McCoy getting stuck on Rura Penthe
But there's no Martia, Son of Mogh has Martok for a sensei
When Worf is forced into fighting like a thrall for Galt(2)
He'll mess 'em up like a Man Trap if they ain't worth their salt.(3)
Even as his ribs get tender, never give up, and never surrender(4)
Garak doesn't want to disappoint his mentor,
Or have his cowardice be what Klingons remember
Overcome his claustrophobia so they can all escape from capture
Rescued to their runabout, like they were raised up by the rapture
So they can all get back alive behind the Founder's plague of locusts
From when a dose of third-eye Retinax V(5) brought dad's future into focus(6)
Arriving back in time to reveal the doctor's fake
Man, I could've told them weeks ago if they only talked to Jake
Before he makes the star go nova, blow it up like Amorgosa(7)
Take the alpha to omega, flyin' through the sun like Dr. Reyga(8)
And defeat three fleets when he makes it burn so bright
It'll bring annihilation of the station by that inferno's light
Watch Defiant catch him in her tractor, Yukon explodes of the ship's bow
Armageddon will have to wait, there's no apocalypse now.(9)

  1. First of a set of references in the opening lines to Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country. This comes from the  commandant at the gulag Rura Penthe. While imprisoned there, Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy are aided by the Chameloid Martia who educates them in the ways of the penal asteroid.
  2. In TOS's "The Gamesters of Triskelion", the Providers force various alien 'thralls' to fight while they wager on the outcome. Galt serves as their master thrall.
  3. The M-113 creature from "The Man Trap" killed humans to consume the salts in their bodies. "Worth one's salt" began as an expression in the Roman army, when soldiers were paid in salt.
  4. Catch phrase from Tim Allen's character Jason Nesmith in the Star Trek parody Galaxy Quest.
  5. 23rd century medication for presbyopia, mentioned in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan
  6. Refers to the events of "Rapture", when Captain Sisko had a vision of locusts over Bajor, which then set off for Cardassia.
  7. First star destroyed by Dr. Soran in Star Trek: Generations with one of his trilitihium devices.
  8. Ferengi scientist from TNG's "Suspicions". His metaphasic shields enabled ships to fly into a star's corona.
  9. Refers to the 1979 film Apocalypse Now.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

For the Uniform


Originally Appeared Here

He's harassing Cardassians, and getting bolder in his schemes
Says it's all because of colonists getting sold on a dream
Wipes out the memory banks because dad seeks his surrender
Tabula rasa(1) like Riker on Risa at the end of a week-long bender
Dad's so mad he goes off half-cocked on some wild-eyed adventure
Disobeying orders and risking Starfleet censure
Trying to predict, if you were him, where would you go?
Gleaning insight to his mind from a tale by Victor Hugo
Javert and Valjean chasing through the streets of Paris
Dad's never changing, he's like Chang, as constant as Polaris(2)
Figure out what he means when he's sending out a Breen rhyme
But there ain't enough time to catch him up above Quatal Prime
A choice to save lives or tracking intergalactic malefactors(3)
Captain gives the order to get the transport with the tractors
Like the Maquis are an infection, and he's the penicillin
If Eddington thinks he's Valjean, then it's time to be the villain
All the worlds in his way are where you don't wanna be
When he's determined like Sherman on a march to the sea(4)
The rebel relents, they've found Eddington's limit.(5)
Dax admits sometimes it's nice for the bad guy to win it.

  1. Latin for "blank slate", the term was popularized by John Locke in the 17th century to describe the state of the human mind at birth.
  2. In Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country, General Chang quotes from Shakespeare's Julius Caesar, "I am as constant as the Northern Star". The star Polaris is also known as the North Star because of its position in the sky and use in navigation.
  3. From "The Forsaken", Lwaxana Troi refers to Odo's job as "tracking intergalactic malefactors"
  4. The Savannah Campaign conducted by General William Tecumseh Sherman in 1864 targeted civillian infrastructure along with military targets, to destroy the Confederacy's capacity for warfare at a psychological, strategic and economic level.
  5. The Eddington Limit (or Eddington Luminosity) is the point at which the outward radiation pressure will balance the inward gravitational attraction for an astrophysical body.

Monday, May 6, 2013

The Darkness and the Light


Originally Appeared Here

That's one, that's two, that's three, that's four
Someone's out to settle a score from the Cardassian war
Friends Furel and Lupaza recalls the way she impressed 'em
Young and eager to please just like poor Peter Preston(1)
A little resistance fighter with the heart of a sinoraptor(2)
But another raptor would describe the tactics of her captor
When he attacks from the side and lets the hologram distract her(3)

Complains that he lost half his face and all his inner monologue
And patiently explains it to the Major like a pedagogue
How his surgical precision makes him somehow less heartless
A terminator separating the light from the darkness(4)
A difference he thinks makes his executions legitimate
But Kira's heard enough and she won't have a bit of it
Innocence was an excuse, Cardassian guilt is indiscriminate
  1. Montgomery Scott's nephew from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, described as "crazy to go into space". He is killed during the Enterprise's skirmish with Khan.
  2. A fierce animal presumably native to Bajor
  3. In Jurassic Park, the velociraptors are depicted hunting in pairs, with one providing a distraction while the other attacks from the side.
  4. Refers both to the Arnold Schwarzenegger character who hunts down human targets and the terminator line that separates the night and day sides (the darkness and the light) on a planetary body.

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Rapture

Originally Appeared Here

Dad's working on a mystery when he gets an ancient painting
While Quark suggests some programs that would be more entertaining
Works out a reconstruction, like knees connected to a shin bone
Demanding answers from the obelisk like a Paradise Syndrome(1)
'Cause it contains the information of where they placed B'hala
Scrutinizing symbols like Kara Thrace with a mandala(2)
A surge shocks his synpases and affected his sight
And now it's like he never saw the sun shining so bright(3)
Uncovers the lost city, and he never felt so focused
Takes a turn for the worse- he prophesies a plague of locusts

"They'll come to do harm, and they'll come from the stars
They'll eat up your farms like the man from Mars
Then they'll go back up to space
To go off and hassle the Cardassian race"(4)

He can see it all stretched before him, hope it won't end the same way
As crossing the threshold and getting eft up like Janeway(5)
Walkin' with the prophets, side by side with Jeremiah(6)
I feel like all of this has happened before with Onaya(7)
When she was burning out my brain and I was in denial
Winn will ride him into the ground- remember Vedek Bariel(8)
They ask my advice, I have to think twice
I get to keep my dad, they keep the champagne on ice

  1. In TOS's "The Paradise Syndrome", the Native American society is protected by a deflector shield controlled through an obelisk on the planet's surface. Kirk must figure out how to use it to save the people.
  2. From Battlestar Galactica, the Eye of Jupiter was a symbol in a temple that appeared in the thoughts of Lt. Kara Thrace and helped guide the surviving humans to Earth.
  3. From Irving Berlin's "Blue Skies", sung by Data in Star Trek: Nemesis
  4. References the rap verse of Blondie's "Rapture", about a man from Mars eating cars, bars and guitars. Near the end, Debbie Harry raps, "And now he's gone back up to space where he won't have to hassle with the human race"
  5. From Voyager's "Threshold", after breaking the Warp 10 barrier, Tom Paris sees all of the universe at once and has a revelatory moment akin to Captain Sisko in "Rapture". He later takes Captain Janeway in the Warp 10 shuttle, where they evolve into newt-like creatures. An eft is a baby newt.
  6. Old Testament prophet.
  7. Refers to "The Muse" where Onaya stimulates Jake's creativity, but at the price of overloading his brain.
  8. Refers to the events of "Life Support", where Kai Winn pushes Vedek Bariel to complete the negotiations even as his health is failing.

Sunday, April 21, 2013

Things Past


Originally Appeared Here

The way that Odo's lauded by Bajorans is impressive
But there's a secret in his past like the Enarans and regressives(1)
Cast his memory back to things past, and his predecessor Thrax
Now they're cleaning tables for Quark while Dukat talks to Dax
Calls 'em misbehaving children, setting off a bomb with a bang
Just one more paternal ruler in the line of Ramkhamhaeng(2)
Dad winds up in prison, but Dax has found the key to freedom
Askin' whether y'all don't know a jailbreak when you see one?(3)
Then they make a break and evade the station's armed guards
Only to awake back at the start like Peyton Farquhar(4)
They all turn to the constable and demand an explanation
'Cause at this point he should run security on the station
Truth will set you free unless your name is Simon Tarses(5)
But there's no strength from the sharing(6) or an iota of catharsis.
Doc says morphogenic enzymes, man, they must be the way
They could see inside his mind like he was Captain Boday(7)
Kira can't believe he'd just wash his hands like the Pilate(8)
Quickly close the case, just so he can stamp and file it
Let Cardassians make a mockery of justice like the Bluths(9)
Now he knows the First Duty(10) ain't to order, but the truth

  1. From the Voyager episode "Remember", where the Enarans exterminated the Regressive minority and tried to cover it up.
  2. Pho Khun Ram Khamhaeng ruled in what is now Thailand from 1278 to 1298. He introduced the concept of paternal rule when he ascended to the throne.
  3. In Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Scotty springs Kirk, Spock and McCoy, and greets them with this line.
  4. From Ambrose Bierce's short story, An Occurrence At Owl Creek Bridge. A man believes he has escaped from his execution and returned to his family, only for it to be revealed these are his final thoughts in the moments before his hanging.
  5. From TNG's "The Drumhead", Tarses is a young medical technician whose Romulan heritage is  uncovered in an unrelated inquiry and threatens to end his career.
  6. Again from Star Trek V, Sybok invites a man to share his pain and gain strength from the sharing.
  7. Frequently mentioned Gallamite captain with a transparent skull.
  8. Refers to Pontius Pilate, the Roman prefect who authorized the execution of Jesus despite his own doubts about Jesus's guilt.
  9. In the Arrested Development episode "Fakin' It", the Bluth family participates in a mock trial for patriarch George Sr.
  10. From TNG's "The First Duty", Picard reminds Wesley that the first duty of every Starfleet officer is to the truth.


Monday, April 15, 2013

Trials and Tribble-ations

Originally Appeared Here

Picking up a strange passenger on a trip to Cardassia Prime
Sends them on an adventure when he activates the Orb of Time
Carried by chronitons, they quickly recover their cloak
See the Enterprise brought by Baris, thinking Priority One Is a Joke
'Cause He's acting on Fear of a Planet of Klingons(1)
A foothold in his sector and everything it would bring on
So paranoid he's afraid to even let Cyrano sell gems
Out here near the border, they're already close enough to smell them(2)
Maybe catch a whiff of lilac, or something earthy and peaty
While they compete for Sherman's Planet under the Organian Treaty(3)

Turns out Barry Waddle was an old Klingon agent
Harboring resentment from grievances ancient
Disowned by his empire, no acknowledgement written or verbal
Left in human form, worse than being cursed, Oh, to be a Blobel(4)
Traveled in his life to set wrong what once went right(5)
But my dad and his crew won't let it go without a fight
Me, I would've panicked if I had to put on a red shirt
And I hate temporal mechanics(6), it all makes my head hurt
Like inventing transparent aluminum just to hold some cetaceans(7)
Or meeting your own ancestor in a bit of predestination
O'Brien rolls his eyes, Bashir says he'll wish they had trysted
When the chief comes back to the present to find he never existed

Rendezvous with Worf and Odo in the bar on the station
While waitress wishes Klingons from a different generation
Would stop requesting raktajino 'cause she ain't ever heard of it
Korax compares humans to blood worms and other invertebrates
Calls out Captain Kirk as a Denebian slime devil
Thinking "Maybe Starfleet's top engineer will climb down to my level"
But Scotty don't care 'til his ship's reputation is tarnished
And he's told the whole thing should be hauled off as garbage
This kind of incident was against all Kirk's orders
Until they tell him the instigator, they're confined to their quarters
Just when the living legend can't approach any closer
O'Brien has to lie to his face and say "I don't know, sir"

But the situation grows urgent when new information is emergent
Explosives among the goods from an interstellar merchant
No calming effect, like the peace of mind you get from a swibble(8)
When there's a bomb, and you gotta check every last tribble
Their population's expanding according to an exponential law
Growing faster than the grains of rice at Ambalappuzha(9)
The find it in a storage bin where it's been gorging on the grain
Beaming into space in this case ain't inhumane(10)
Just one last item of business, not many times to meet a legend
At an important juncture in history like you were named Gary Seven(11)
But even humorless agents who can't seem to have a laugh
Admit they understand when dad went back for an autograph.

  1. Refers to the Public Enemy song "911 is a Joke" on the album Fear of a Black Planet.
  2. Quote from Chekov in the original episode
  3. The terms under which Sherman's Planet is being developed were a result of the treaty which emerged from the episode "Errand of Mercy".
  4. A reference to the Philip K. Dick story, "Oh, to be a Blobel", about a human who spends part of his days as an alien Blobel as a result of his time as a spy.
  5. A reversal of the introduction to the show Quantum Leap, where Sam Beckett must "Put right what once went wrong".
  6. A reference to the episode "Visionary", when Chief O'Brien has a confusing discussion with a temporally displaced version of himself.
  7. In Star Trek IV, Scotty gives a man in the 20th century information on how to make transparent aluminum to build a whale tank. McCoy suggests he'll disrupt the timeline, and Scotty suggests the man may be the inventor.
  8. From another Philip Dick story, "Service Call", swibbles are an artificially-evolved organism that subtly adjust people's minds to ensure they remain at peace with each other.
  9. The legend concerning the Ambalappuzha Sri Krishna temple holds that the god Krishna, in the form of a sage, defeated the king in a game of chess. As a prize, he requested a grain of rice on one square of the chess board, and twice as many on the next square, and so on for every square of the board.
  10. In the original episode, Kirk asks how Scotty has rid the ship of Tribbles, and is briefly concerned Scotty has beamed them into space. Scotty says this would be inhuman.
  11. In "Assignment: Earth", the agent Gary Seven is sent to avert a nuclear holocaust on Earth.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Broken Link


Originally Appeared Here

Gowron's rattlin' the sabre and claiming Archanis
Acting reckless with his empire in a way that is heinous
Can't think about it now, 'cause the Constable's infected
And he'll be left as a liquid if it goes uncorrected
They can't use the transporter but he'll manage to walk
Have Garak regale him with stories like Fred Savage and Falk(1)
'Cause if there's one area where he excels, he says it's conversation
The tales that he tells will keep Odo's mind off his situation
The distraction's enough to ensure that he stays alive
Until he links with a founder and his condition is stabilized
Garak asks for a word once she's done helping Odo,
Is told the Cardassian race will be as dead as the dodo
That threat must be why he can justify genocide
Drop death from above while dad and the doctor are planet-side
Nuke it from orbit-it's the only way to be sure(2)
Says they've been afforded a chance to avert a whole war
Winds up disappointed when Worf won't support his vengeance
While down on the surface they wait for the sentence
There isn't any precedent, like ape has never killed ape(3)
They come up with the punishment- he'll be stuck in his shape
But they leave him his face, a mark he'll carry like Cain(4)
Say killing him would be kinder, but that's what they mean by "To the Pain"(5)
At least a little good may have come from his encounter
'Cause in the link he learned they've swapped Gowron for a Founder

  1. From The Princess Bride, which uses the framing device of the grandfather (Peter Falk) telling the story to his ill grandson (Fred Savage)
  2. From Ellen Ripley in Aliens, outlining the most thorough way to deal with the aliens that have taken over the colony.
  3. From Battle For the Planet of the Apes, where "Ape must never kill ape" is the most sacred law of the new ape society, and what they believe separates them from the barbaric humans.
  4. The Mark of Cain comes from the Book of Genesis, after Cain is punished for murdering his brother.
  5. Again from The Princess Bride, when Westley is devising a punishment for Prince Humperdink and threatens to disfigure him, but leave his ears to remind him of what he has lost.

Sunday, March 17, 2013

The Quickening

Originally Appeared Here

If you think you can take me, well homey I Got news
If you ever bet against me, you'll owe me some quatloos(1)
Like Bashir believing nothing's beyond his abilities
Even without the use of the station's facilities
But he didn't imagine it would be so depressing
That people would say the blight is a blessing
And the way they meet death without delay is distressing
Get treatment from Trevean, but he's not giving medicine
Just ritualized suicide like my man Doctor Timicin(2)
He thinks he can help, but it makes a more Horrid scene
When one of his patients stops responding to cordrazine(3)
The mutation is triggered by medical devices
Emitting radiation, and it seems like the price is
A lot of people have to die just for him to get educated
Maybe should've hesitated, he charged ahead instead of waited
Reduced to search for a cure with stone knives and bearskins(4)
Ask Trevean why it takes so many lives but it spares him
It's left him viewing death with strange sense of worship
Like Klingons with honor or Ferengi entrepreneurship
But even the most defeated finds cause for euphoria,
A beacon of hope in the baby boy from Ekoria
While everyone celebrates, Julian's leaving that scene
'Cause he wants a true cure and not just a vaccine

  1. Currency from TOS's "The Gamesters of Triskelion", used in wagers on drill-thrall fights.
  2. In TNG's "Half a Life", Kaelon scientist Timicin is forced to comply with his planet's custom of "Resolution", ritual suicide at age sixty instituted to combat overpopulation.
  3. Cordrazine is a chemical stimulant used by Starfleet doctors in emergency medical procedures, including Dr. Bashir in "The Quickening" and Dr. McCoy in "The City on the Edge of Forever"
  4. In "The City On the Edge of Forever", Spock referred to the 20th century equipment he was using to interface with his tricorder as "Stone knives and bearskins".

Saturday, March 2, 2013

The Muse


Originally Appeared Here

Too many hours watching incoming traffic will bore me
Until I'm offered help for an autobiographical story
See, I know it comes as quite a shock
But sometimes I still get writer's block
And I'm left like Homer beseeching the muse(1)
Or apes before tools(2), she can teach me to use
The pen I hold so I can write my magnum opus
Another Nightingale Woman like Tarbolde on canopus(3)
I think we make a good team like Geordi and Bochra(4)
With me writing the words and her aligning the chakras
I put it to paper and soon I'm writing my novel
Words flowing out, I'm over the moon like Jim Lovell(5)
Sitting in a tin can, far above my old space station(6)
From my window it looked like (7)I could see all of creation
But when she's gone I'm powerless, a temple-less Apollo(8)
And after touching the sky, you know the world can seem so hollow(9)
Recreating a holodeck Camelot, you know it's only a model(10)
Or Moriarty thinking he's an astronaut in a ship in a bottle(11)
I got stories stuck inside, a trill with a worm in me
My muse materializes, we bust out of the infirmary
So I can work on it in secret, like a Cardassian fleet in Orias(12)
But who will mourn for Adonais(13), when I wasn't warned about Onaya's
Talent for drawing power from my brain like a Devidian
Consuming a life force with a cane of form ophidian(14)
Tapping neural nodes in a plexus, I know that it's reckless,
but when I'm on a roll I feel wrapped up in joy like the Nexus(15)
Or Lwaxana longing for the contentment of the womb
But if I can't change course soon, I'll be sent to the tomb
Burn out too quickly, I'll shine and then go dark
Can't last like a light made by a man in Menlo Park(16)
I'm caught in her web, and she's pushing me too hard
I'll be a roman candle exploding like a spider 'cross the stars
And the people call me Sal Paradise 'cause I'm on top of the beats(17)
Turns out she's the same parasite that was droppin' John Keats(18)
Isn't worth my life, the price ain't right, glad my dad's rescue came along
'Cause the candle that burns twice as bright only lasts for half as long(19)
About to fly myself apart, Sulu overdriving the Excelsior(20)
Maybe I'll go back the start and keep on writing when I'm healthier

  1. Different English translations of The Odyssey begin with, "Tell me, o Muse, ..." or some variation thereof.
  2. Stanley Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey begins with the sequence "The Dawn of Man", where apes first discover the use of tools after touching the monolith.
  3. Tarbolde was an author from Canopus planet, whom Onaya claims to have known. His poem "Nightingale Woman" was referenced in "Where No Man Has Gone Before".
  4. In TNG's "The Enemy", the Romulan centurion Bochra is stranded on Galorndon Core with Geordi LaForge. Bochra is unable to walk, and Geordi is unable to see, so they must work together to survive.
  5. James Lovell was the commander of the Apollo 13 mission, which orbited the moon but did not land. The command module was named Odyssey.
  6. From the lyrics to David Bowie's "Space Oddity", "Here am I sitting in a tin can far above the world"
  7. The first sentence of the draft of Anslem shown in the episode begins, "From my window, it looked like the ..."
  8. The Greek god Apollo was set as the leader of the muses. He appeared in the TOS epsiode "Who Mourns For Adonais?" where his god-like powers were explained as arising from an energy field within his temple. When the temple was destroyed, his powers began to fade.
  9. From the TOS episode, "For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky"
  10. Dax and Kira are setting off to enjoy a holosuite program set in Camelot. The line, "It's only a model" comes from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
  11. From TNG's "Ship in a Bottle", Professor Moriarty, aware of his existence as a holographic fantasy character, demands to be set free. He believes it has been granted, when he is in fact left exploring a larger holodeck program.
  12. Star-system in Cardassian space where the Obsidian Order was building a fleet in preparation for an invasion of the Gamma quadrant in a joint operation with the Tal Shiar.
  13. From the aforementioned TOS episode, it comes from Percy Bysshe Shelley's "Adonaïs", written as an elegy for John Keats, mentioned later in the verse.
  14. In TNG's "Time's Arrow", the Devidians were a race that fed off of humans' neural energy. They used a snake-like creature to open vortices in the spacetime continuum.
  15. From Guinan's description of the Nexus in Star Trek: Generations.
  16. Thomas Edison, credited as the inventor of the light bulb, had his laboratory in Menlo Park, New Jersey. 
  17. The preceding line comes from Sal Paradise in Jack Kerouac's On the Road, a defining work of the beat generation.
  18. Onaya lists John Keats among the artists she help stimulate at the cost of shortening his life.
  19. Quote from Lao Tzu in the Tao Te Ching, later used in Blade Runner by Eldon Tyrell.
  20. From Star Trek VI, when Sulu is racing to help Kirk and the Enterprise at Khitomer.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Rules of Engagement

Originally Appeared Here

Ch'Pok's hung up on procedure, wants more matter, less art(1)
What was in Worf's heart? Let's go back to the start
Claims the part he plays betrays the Conscience of the Emperor(2)
But the role don't tell the whole, conflating Colonel Klink with Klemperer(3)
Dax says he has control of his mood like for cattle and love play(4)
But can a warrior check himself in battle like Dove's Day?(5)
Asks if Worf can keep his temper- he can, unless provoked
Says a rush of blood lust meant he couldn't wait 'til the ship uncloaked
He's charged as a member of savage, dangerous child race(6)
What if O'Brien were captain and he was in Miles' place?
The chief would decide different as a monday morning commander(7)
But the prosecution strikes a nerve when he asks about Alexander
'Cause the Sins of the Father will dumped on him, the son(8)
And he'll have to bear the blame for the things Worf has done
But who knew the crew wasn't there for the first time?
Seems they flew together once before, on Galorda Prime
Unlikely like twenty-one by twenty-one, hitting blackjack twice(9)
Or a run of luck in the Royale, with Data stacking the dice(10)
It's justification for escalation, Klingons can claim breathing room(11)
The plot's been exposed, I expect Ch'Pok will be leaving soon
Dad explains it;s not eye for an eye like is written in cunieform(12)
And they expect a higher standard if you wanna wear that uniform

  1. In Hamlet, (Act II Scene II) Gertrude requests of Polonius,"More matter with less art", i.e. to cut to the chase.
  2. Refers to Hamlet's line in the same scene, "The play's the thing wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king." This quote was used for the title of a first season TOS episode.
  3. The Nazi prison camp commander Colonel Klink on Hogan's Heroes was portrayed by the Jewish actor Werner Klemperer, who had little in common with his onscreen counterpart.
  4. Quote from Gurney Halleck in the film Dune.
  5. In the original series episode "The Day of the Dove", Kirk and the Klingon captain Kang are forced to cease their battle and drive out a non-corporeal enemy with "good spirits."
  6. From "Encounter at Farpoint", the entity Q charges Captain Picard (and all of humanity) as a "Dangerous, savage child-race".
  7. Refers to "Monday Morning Quarterbacks", a person who claims to know what football players should have done on Sunday with the benefit of hindsight.
  8. A reference to both the TNG episode "Sins of the Father", and the lyrics to Edge of Etiquette's "I Hate You" from Star Trek IV.
  9. Refers to both twenty-one, the number required to get blackjack, and the 441 people (21 x 21) supposedly on board the destroyed freighter.
  10. Episode from TNG's second season, where Data must win at craps for the away team to escape from a simulated Earth casino.
  11. Refers to the idea of "lebensraum" in Nazi Germany, by way of General Chang in Star Trek VI.
  12. Refers to the Code of Hammurabi, a Babylonia law code inscribed in cuneiform script.

Monday, February 18, 2013

Accession

Originally Appeared Here

Lightship comes through the wormhole, exciting the whole bridge
They've found an ancient mariner coming straight outta Coleridge(1,2)
Akorem's returned, but Don't call it a comeback(3)
Hasn't aged a day, and still as sharp as a thumbtack
Explains to the crew that he's the only true emissary
And the spare one from Earth will no longer be necessary
Releases authority without a bit of resistance
He won't make a fuss, he seeks peaceful coexistence(4)
Tries to ignore his visions, too many neuropeptides
But pretty soon he's wishin' that he'd never stepped aside
When a vedek is executed for ignoring his d'jarra
Destined for death or an appointment in Samarra(5)
And when Kira quits her post for a flock of flightless birds
My dad is left in shock and feeling quite disturbed
Thinks he's misguided like Sybok looking for a false God(6)
The prophets will sort out who's real, and which one's a fraud
Existing measureless to man, like Kubla Khan's Xanadu(7)
They'll restore this old poet to his own time and planet, too.
The people's faith in The Sisko remains undiminished
And Akorem's Call of the Prophets is finally finished
  1. A reference to Samuel Taylor Coleridge's "Rime of the Ancient Mariner"
  2. Also to N.W.A.'s "Straight Outta Compton"
  3. From the first line of LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out"
  4. Quote from Commander Remmick in TNG's "Conspiracy"
  5. An old story about a man who tries to avoid Death, only to flee to the place Death expected to meet him. W. Somerset Maugham's version is available here.
  6. In Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Spock's half-brother commandeered the Enterprise after receiving visions from an entity in the center of the galaxy he believed to be God.
  7. "Kubla Khan" was another poem by Coleridge. Similar to Akorem's "Call of the Prophets" (before he was sent back) it was unfinished.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Return To Grace


Originally Appeared Here

Kira gets shots, diplomatic delegate can't afford to get Bajoran dysentery
Finds Dukat's been relegated to hauling freight and foreign dignitaries
You know that she can't avoid
thinking of people in his path, destroyed,
It's no wonder that she acts annoyed
While he's holding drills to hone their skills, their only kills are some asteroids
she suggests an anodyne capacitor, Dukat says "I didn't bring mine"
But he'll discuss Shakaar's past with her over the last bit of the spring wine
With a good hot meal, while he dreams to serve revenge cold(1)
Winter is bitter on Breen, or at least so I've been told(2)
He says Cardassians in defeat aren't quite so hard
But one sword at least their rights shall guard(3)
'Cause a crime has been committed and they're the only policemen (4)
The Klingons get outwitted, and before K'Temang can release them
From his tractor beam, they attack, their scheme that needed practice
Ends in a short fracas, kluging up weapons like A-Team's B.A. Baracus(5)
Now swap the crews like Kirk and Kruge above the planet Genesis(6)
Kira wants to let'em go, but Dukat just kills the Klingon menaces
Now he'll live on the run, outnumbered and outgunned
Situation's grim, odds are slim, some would say it Sounds like fun.(7)

  1. A reference to the Klingon proverb quoted by Khan, "Revenge is a dish best served cold."
  2. The Breen homeworld is widely believed to be cold and inhospitable, though Weyoun reveals in a later episode that it is in fact temperate.
  3. From the old Irish patriotic song, "The Minstrel Boy". It was sung by Chief O'Brien and Benjamin Maxwell in "The Wounded", the first appearance of the Cardassians.
  4. From TOS's "Arena", after the Cestus III colony has been destroyed. "It's a matter of policy. Out here, we're the only policemen around. And a crime has been committed. Do I make myself clear?"
  5. On The A-Team, the titular mercenaries would often solve problems by having B.A. Baracus weld together an improvised weapon.
  6. From Star Trek III: The Search for Spock. Kirk tricks Kruge into beaming his crew onto the Enterprise, and he and his crew escape on Kruge's ship.
  7. When Captain Kirk accepts Picard's request to go back and fight Soran, he says this.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Paradise Lost


Originally Appeared Here

There's been a bombing on Earth, so they order Captain Sisko
To hop on the Lakota and come straight to San Francisco
He's the expert on the Dominion, Leyton needs his opinion
Take it to the man Jaresh Inyo, peepin' Paris out his window
But while I'm in New Orleans with my friend the Ferengi
Paradise turns into a dark place like the mind of Marenghi(1)
Now we need to hear the president calling clear as a clarion, 
Telling all the people to Keep calm and carry on(2)
Don't change pace in the face of a threat from Omarion(3)
But we're all left in the dark and I don't know where my dad has went
He finds O'brien sitting on a park bench, eyeing Earth with bad intent(4)
It's not the real chief, it's only a changeling
Says it only took four of them, but ain't it a strange thing
That people opposed to the blood tests now find their heads nod,
They agree to it all after the actions of Red Squad
This wasn't the work of some beguiling Satan
But Starfleet led astray by their own Admiral Leyton
He's got his old crew, straight out of Catch-22(5)
Put them all in position so he can stage up a coup
From a military junta, it's short step to gestapo
And we'll be cast out of the garden just like Ahdar Ru'afo(6)
Or Adam and Eve in a painting by Chagall(7)
Worf's on course for Earth, but he's making a close call
They've unraveled Leyton's design, he's forced to resign,
And now me and my dad can head back to DS9.

  1. Garth Marenghi's Darkplace was a horror-spoof television show.
  2. Slogan from a British propaganda poster during World War II
  3. An interstellar gas cloud in the Gamma Quadrant that was the location of the Founders' homeworld.
  4. From the lyrics to Jethro Tull's "Aqualung"
  5. The names of Admiral Leyton's former crew are all characters from Joseph Heller's Catch-22.
  6. From Star Trek: Insurrection. Ahdar Ru'afo and the Son'a are cast out of the Eden-like Ba'ku planet.
  7. Refers to Marc Chagall's "Adam and Eve Expelled From Paradise", which was in Spock's quarters in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Our Man Bashir


Originally Appeared Here

He knocks a fella on his coccyx, puts him right into traction
He's out like Bela Oxymx lookin' for a Piece of the Action(1)
Got a '45 like Dirty Harry(2), but it's a magnum of champagne
Popping corks instead of caps, nails Mr. Falcon in the brain
It's Our Man Bashir with the Double-O Style(3)
With unwelcome help from a Cardassian exile
But the crew gets caught up in a transporter buffer
And put in place of the program, now the going gets tougher
No way to get victory over villains you can't kill,
Who view the world as vermin, just termites and anthills
Play the part of Nero's Narada(4), drilling down to the mantle
Rom will get them out soon, if Bashir can keep my dad rappin'
Explaining his plan about a balloon and something bad happens(5)
Bashir sees covering the continents is the only real course
Acts with no ego, no conscience, and no remorse
'Cause it's only a simulated  planet he's willing to concede
Noah thought his flood would be a dud, didn't expect to succeed

  1. Bela Okmyx was one of the mob bosses on Sigma Iotia II in "A Piece of the Action"
  2. Harry Callahan is known for using a .44 Magnum. His foe in the first Dirty Harry film is portrayed by Andrew Robinson.
  3. James Bond is classified as a "00 Agent"
  4. Nero, from the 2009 Star Trek film, used his mining ship Narada to drill into the crust on the planet Vulcan.
  5. From the Futurama episode "Where No Fan Has Gone Before", when Leela's Star Trek-inspired plan to defeat Melllvar goes wrong.

Monday, January 21, 2013

The Sword of Kahless

Originally Appeared Here

In Quark's, Kor is holding court and giving a recital
How he marked victory over T'Nag by making vittles of his vitals
Worf's too ashamed to greet him since his house lost their titles
And Just like MC Hammer(1), you know we can't touch our idols
'Cause they tell me the gilding, it sticks to our digits(2)
Son, you know I flow like Flaubert(3) when your rhyming is rigid

Kor calls him a traitor, a pariah, and the lowest of the low
But think how grateful their messiah will be with them when they go
Retrieve the sword that had been stolen by the Hur'q
Glory's their reward and it's time to go to work
But once they find the weapon, they get ambushed by Toral
Pursued a feud like the Clantons at the ol' O.K. Corral(4)
Kor springs into action, swinging and slaying with the bat'leth
First man in a millenia it kills sees the honor in that death
Kor learns Worf could've killed Toral before, says curse him and curse me
Worf may have compromised their errand with an error of mercy(5)
But now that the interlopers get left in the dust,
It's only the three of them and they start to lose trust
Both men want to be emperor, Ring of Power couldn't weigh less(6)
A couple D'bloks acting like they forgot about Kahless(7)
Kor trips on the path, almost goes down like Elsa Schneider(8)
Dax doesn't trust either, sleeps and keeps the sword beside her
They make it to safety, they completed their quest
But to leave the sword out in space they agree's for the best.

  1. Rapper famous for the hit "U Can't Touch This"
  2. From Madame Bovary, "We must not touch our idols; the gilt sticks to our fingers"
  3. Gustave Flaubert, author of the aforementioned novel.
  4. A gang led by Ike Clanton fought Wyatt Earp in the gunfight at the O.K. Corral. The crew of the Enterprise was forced to reenact these events in "Spectre of the Gun"
  5. Kor's first appearance was in TOS's "Errand of Mercy"
  6. From J.R.R. Tolkein's The Lord of the Rings
  7. A reference to "Forgot About Dre" and the epithet Kahless the Unforgettable
  8. From Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, when Elsa Schneider falls down a chasm trying to retrieve the Holy Grail

Monday, January 7, 2013

Hippocratic Oath

Originally Appeared Here

When the going gets hard, you know I only go harder
'Cause I got a flow that shines like Altarian glow water(1)
Admiring my watch 'cause it's got the Spican flame gems(2)
But some prefer Tallonian crystals(3) and I don't think I can blame them
Worf questions Odo's methods, doesn't know they get results
While Bashir and O'Brien investigate the strange magneton pulse
Jem'hadar gonna hunt them for sport, but the doctor saves them both
Says he'll heal their addicition, it's his hippocratic oath
The chief is left to tinker with his tricorder, playing Tetris all night
Bashir tries to relieve them from the need for all that ketracel-white
'Cause Goran'Agar figured out there's no promise of Elysium(4)
Just dead Jem'hadar strung out like Onarans on Felicium(5)
Born to fight 'til they die, or maybe grown in a clone vat(6)
And a commander can't abandon them, Bashir shoulda known that
While they make their way back home, just the chief and the doc
Worf is told in time he'll fit in just like gears in a clock(7)
Because they've made comprises already, gonna be a whole lot more
Not black and white like Cheron(8), but shades of grey on Surata IV(9)

  1. Presumably a typo of Antarean glow water, a liquid mostly used for polishing Spican flame gems.
  2. Semi-valuable crystal, undesired by the bartender on Deep Space K-7 in "The Trouble With Tribbles"
  3. Precious gemstones illegal anywhere off the Tallonian homeworld.
  4. From Greek Mythology, where the righteous and heroes go to live with the gods after death.
  5. In TNG's "Symbiosis", the Onarans are initially given the drug felicium to cure a plague, but the neighboring planet keeps them addicted after the disease is eradicated to sell them the drug at a profit.
  6. Jem'Hadar are shown to grow quickly from infancy, however their Vorta masters originate as clones.
  7. Captain Sisko is repairing his Saltah'na clock from "Dramatis Personae" as he is talking to Worf.
  8. Planet from TOS's "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield", home to the half-white, half-black Bele and Lokai.
  9. Planet from TNG's "Shades of Gray" where Commander Riker was infected by an alien parasite.