Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Rules of Engagement

Originally Appeared Here

Ch'Pok's hung up on procedure, wants more matter, less art(1)
What was in Worf's heart? Let's go back to the start
Claims the part he plays betrays the Conscience of the Emperor(2)
But the role don't tell the whole, conflating Colonel Klink with Klemperer(3)
Dax says he has control of his mood like for cattle and love play(4)
But can a warrior check himself in battle like Dove's Day?(5)
Asks if Worf can keep his temper- he can, unless provoked
Says a rush of blood lust meant he couldn't wait 'til the ship uncloaked
He's charged as a member of savage, dangerous child race(6)
What if O'Brien were captain and he was in Miles' place?
The chief would decide different as a monday morning commander(7)
But the prosecution strikes a nerve when he asks about Alexander
'Cause the Sins of the Father will dumped on him, the son(8)
And he'll have to bear the blame for the things Worf has done
But who knew the crew wasn't there for the first time?
Seems they flew together once before, on Galorda Prime
Unlikely like twenty-one by twenty-one, hitting blackjack twice(9)
Or a run of luck in the Royale, with Data stacking the dice(10)
It's justification for escalation, Klingons can claim breathing room(11)
The plot's been exposed, I expect Ch'Pok will be leaving soon
Dad explains it;s not eye for an eye like is written in cunieform(12)
And they expect a higher standard if you wanna wear that uniform

  1. In Hamlet, (Act II Scene II) Gertrude requests of Polonius,"More matter with less art", i.e. to cut to the chase.
  2. Refers to Hamlet's line in the same scene, "The play's the thing wherein I'll catch the conscience of the king." This quote was used for the title of a first season TOS episode.
  3. The Nazi prison camp commander Colonel Klink on Hogan's Heroes was portrayed by the Jewish actor Werner Klemperer, who had little in common with his onscreen counterpart.
  4. Quote from Gurney Halleck in the film Dune.
  5. In the original series episode "The Day of the Dove", Kirk and the Klingon captain Kang are forced to cease their battle and drive out a non-corporeal enemy with "good spirits."
  6. From "Encounter at Farpoint", the entity Q charges Captain Picard (and all of humanity) as a "Dangerous, savage child-race".
  7. Refers to "Monday Morning Quarterbacks", a person who claims to know what football players should have done on Sunday with the benefit of hindsight.
  8. A reference to both the TNG episode "Sins of the Father", and the lyrics to Edge of Etiquette's "I Hate You" from Star Trek IV.
  9. Refers to both twenty-one, the number required to get blackjack, and the 441 people (21 x 21) supposedly on board the destroyed freighter.
  10. Episode from TNG's second season, where Data must win at craps for the away team to escape from a simulated Earth casino.
  11. Refers to the idea of "lebensraum" in Nazi Germany, by way of General Chang in Star Trek VI.
  12. Refers to the Code of Hammurabi, a Babylonia law code inscribed in cuneiform script.

Monday, February 18, 2013


Originally Appeared Here

Lightship comes through the wormhole, exciting the whole bridge
They've found an ancient mariner coming straight outta Coleridge(1,2)
Akorem's returned, but Don't call it a comeback(3)
Hasn't aged a day, and still as sharp as a thumbtack
Explains to the crew that he's the only true emissary
And the spare one from Earth will no longer be necessary
Releases authority without a bit of resistance
He won't make a fuss, he seeks peaceful coexistence(4)
Tries to ignore his visions, too many neuropeptides
But pretty soon he's wishin' that he'd never stepped aside
When a vedek is executed for ignoring his d'jarra
Destined for death or an appointment in Samarra(5)
And when Kira quits her post for a flock of flightless birds
My dad is left in shock and feeling quite disturbed
Thinks he's misguided like Sybok looking for a false God(6)
The prophets will sort out who's real, and which one's a fraud
Existing measureless to man, like Kubla Khan's Xanadu(7)
They'll restore this old poet to his own time and planet, too.
The people's faith in The Sisko remains undiminished
And Akorem's Call of the Prophets is finally finished
  1. A reference to Samuel Taylor Coleridge's "Rime of the Ancient Mariner"
  2. Also to N.W.A.'s "Straight Outta Compton"
  3. From the first line of LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out"
  4. Quote from Commander Remmick in TNG's "Conspiracy"
  5. An old story about a man who tries to avoid Death, only to flee to the place Death expected to meet him. W. Somerset Maugham's version is available here.
  6. In Star Trek V: The Final Frontier, Spock's half-brother commandeered the Enterprise after receiving visions from an entity in the center of the galaxy he believed to be God.
  7. "Kubla Khan" was another poem by Coleridge. Similar to Akorem's "Call of the Prophets" (before he was sent back) it was unfinished.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Return To Grace

Originally Appeared Here

Kira gets shots, diplomatic delegate can't afford to get Bajoran dysentery
Finds Dukat's been relegated to hauling freight and foreign dignitaries
You know that she can't avoid
thinking of people in his path, destroyed,
It's no wonder that she acts annoyed
While he's holding drills to hone their skills, their only kills are some asteroids
she suggests an anodyne capacitor, Dukat says "I didn't bring mine"
But he'll discuss Shakaar's past with her over the last bit of the spring wine
With a good hot meal, while he dreams to serve revenge cold(1)
Winter is bitter on Breen, or at least so I've been told(2)
He says Cardassians in defeat aren't quite so hard
But one sword at least their rights shall guard(3)
'Cause a crime has been committed and they're the only policemen (4)
The Klingons get outwitted, and before K'Temang can release them
From his tractor beam, they attack, their scheme that needed practice
Ends in a short fracas, kluging up weapons like A-Team's B.A. Baracus(5)
Now swap the crews like Kirk and Kruge above the planet Genesis(6)
Kira wants to let'em go, but Dukat just kills the Klingon menaces
Now he'll live on the run, outnumbered and outgunned
Situation's grim, odds are slim, some would say it Sounds like fun.(7)

  1. A reference to the Klingon proverb quoted by Khan, "Revenge is a dish best served cold."
  2. The Breen homeworld is widely believed to be cold and inhospitable, though Weyoun reveals in a later episode that it is in fact temperate.
  3. From the old Irish patriotic song, "The Minstrel Boy". It was sung by Chief O'Brien and Benjamin Maxwell in "The Wounded", the first appearance of the Cardassians.
  4. From TOS's "Arena", after the Cestus III colony has been destroyed. "It's a matter of policy. Out here, we're the only policemen around. And a crime has been committed. Do I make myself clear?"
  5. On The A-Team, the titular mercenaries would often solve problems by having B.A. Baracus weld together an improvised weapon.
  6. From Star Trek III: The Search for Spock. Kirk tricks Kruge into beaming his crew onto the Enterprise, and he and his crew escape on Kruge's ship.
  7. When Captain Kirk accepts Picard's request to go back and fight Soran, he says this.

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Paradise Lost

Originally Appeared Here

There's been a bombing on Earth, so they order Captain Sisko
To hop on the Lakota and come straight to San Francisco
He's the expert on the Dominion, Leyton needs his opinion
Take it to the man Jaresh Inyo, peepin' Paris out his window
But while I'm in New Orleans with my friend the Ferengi
Paradise turns into a dark place like the mind of Marenghi(1)
Now we need to hear the president calling clear as a clarion, 
Telling all the people to Keep calm and carry on(2)
Don't change pace in the face of a threat from Omarion(3)
But we're all left in the dark and I don't know where my dad has went
He finds O'brien sitting on a park bench, eyeing Earth with bad intent(4)
It's not the real chief, it's only a changeling
Says it only took four of them, but ain't it a strange thing
That people opposed to the blood tests now find their heads nod,
They agree to it all after the actions of Red Squad
This wasn't the work of some beguiling Satan
But Starfleet led astray by their own Admiral Leyton
He's got his old crew, straight out of Catch-22(5)
Put them all in position so he can stage up a coup
From a military junta, it's short step to gestapo
And we'll be cast out of the garden just like Ahdar Ru'afo(6)
Or Adam and Eve in a painting by Chagall(7)
Worf's on course for Earth, but he's making a close call
They've unraveled Leyton's design, he's forced to resign,
And now me and my dad can head back to DS9.

  1. Garth Marenghi's Darkplace was a horror-spoof television show.
  2. Slogan from a British propaganda poster during World War II
  3. An interstellar gas cloud in the Gamma Quadrant that was the location of the Founders' homeworld.
  4. From the lyrics to Jethro Tull's "Aqualung"
  5. The names of Admiral Leyton's former crew are all characters from Joseph Heller's Catch-22.
  6. From Star Trek: Insurrection. Ahdar Ru'afo and the Son'a are cast out of the Eden-like Ba'ku planet.
  7. Refers to Marc Chagall's "Adam and Eve Expelled From Paradise", which was in Spock's quarters in Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country.