Our Man Bashir

Originally Appeared Here

He knocks a fella on his coccyx, puts him right into traction
He's out like Bela Oxymx lookin' for a Piece of the Action(1)
Got a '45 like Dirty Harry(2), but it's a magnum of champagne
Popping corks instead of caps, nails Mr. Falcon in the brain
It's Our Man Bashir with the Double-O Style(3)
With unwelcome help from a Cardassian exile
But the crew gets caught up in a transporter buffer
And put in place of the program, now the going gets tougher
No way to get victory over villains you can't kill,
Who view the world as vermin, just termites and anthills
Play the part of Nero's Narada(4), drilling down to the mantle
Rom will get them out soon, if Bashir can keep my dad rappin'
Explaining his plan about a balloon and something bad happens(5)
Bashir sees covering the continents is the only real course
Acts with no ego, no conscience, and no remorse
'Cause it's only a simulated  planet he's willing to concede
Noah thought his flood would be a dud, didn't expect to succeed

1. Bela Okmyx was one of the mob bosses on Sigma Iotia II in "A Piece of the Action"
2. Harry Callahan is known for using a .44 Magnum. His foe in the first Dirty Harry film is portrayed by Andrew Robinson.
3. James Bond is classified as a "00 Agent"
4. Nero, from the 2009 Star Trek film, used his mining ship Narada to drill into the crust on the planet Vulcan.
5. From the Futurama episode "Where No Fan Has Gone Before", when Leela's Star Trek-inspired plan to defeat Melllvar goes wrong.