Rap Battle: Round One-One

Originally Appeared Here

Rappin Jake S, we meet at last

No man has gone before but I had to make a pass

I've observed your flow but I must admit

Your words got rhythm but yo presence ain't shit

but please allow me to be introduced

because I can't expect to be so easily deduced

so who am I, with the words so entwined?

Mike Seaver called me Boner(1), but I Left him Behind(2)

I'm tha starchild legacy you should always know

cuz my pops rocked the phasers on the original show(3)

I got moves like Kolrami(4) and the knowledge of the Q

so when I roll into your station with my Gamma Quad crew

I'll diagnose like McCoy and lay the logic like Spock

ladies call me Andy, but you can call me 2mak

I'm searchin' for Kentanna but you're in my way(5)

and all I ever wanted was Bajoran play

they're ribbed for my pleasure I think you know what I mean

but thanks to your Ferenghi(6) now we've got a scene

So you gon' match rhymes or are you from Mizar II(7)?

My words are weapons grade trilithium(8) to a chump like you

I got the mastery of language and the upper hand

like the Sheliak Corporate in Ensigns of Command(9)

So I hope you're feeling ready, feeling at your peak

cuz it's all going down on the boards next week

Do your worst, but you gonna catch Hell

like a city named Shaka when the walls fell(10)

1. Andrew Koenig, who portrays Tumak, previously played the character "Boner" on the show Growing Pains.
2. Koenig's Growing Pains co-star Kirk Cameron later starred in the film adaptation of the popular Christian book series Left Behind.
3. Andrew Koenig's father played Pavel Chekov on the orignal Star Trek series.
4. Sirna Kolrami, from the TNG episode "Peak Performance", was a grandmaster of the game Strategema
5. Prophesied paradise of the T'Rogorans in "Sanctuary".
6. Jake's friend Nog provoked a fight with Tumak in that same episode.
7. Planet of pacifist aliens, first encountered in TNG's "Allegiance".
8. Powerful explosive, used in Soran's star-destroying weapon in Star Trek: Generations.
9. Alien race who forced human settlers off of a colony .
10. Tamarian metaphor for failure or defeat.