Necessary Evil

Originally Appeared Here
My lyrics are sublime as I'm laying down some rhymes
While Odo's in his office investigating crimes
He's asked to keep a record, voice over like Deckard(1)
Next thing he's reflecting on a past that's checkered
When a chemist got shot, and he was asked by Dukat
To suss out some suspects, make sure the killer is caught
The wife of the deceased point the blame at Nerys
Her alibi is espionage, but Odo grants her release
But now he realizes he reached the wrong conclusion
And the chemist was robbed 'cause of Cardassian collusion
It's the only rational reason she could still get her tea
When it was rarer than a red shirt in the A.A.R.P.(2)
He sees why in this instance the Gul kept his distance
Or else the resistance would kill his assistants
Back in the present, he's hurt by this news
Looks at the Major like his trust's been abused
And he finds all this time she was rightfully accused.

1. Harrison Ford's character from Blade Runner, who provided disinterested narration in the theatrical version of the film.
2. American Association of Retired Persons, which most red shirts do not live long enough to enter.

Cardassians

Originally Appeared Here
Hangin out with Nog, and we're drinkin' gin and tonics
With some honeys in the holosuite, too bad they're all photonic.
While Garak's lunch is interrupted by a boy who takes a bite
Gul Dukat suddenly rings them up, to say he'll set things right
Garak gets Bashir because doesn't trust coincidence
Waking up my dad, the doctor shocks him with his impudence
They've figured out his parentage and now they must be leavin'
So they're jettin' to the orphanage, some files need retrievin'
Like Marritza(1)'s system, it's a masterpiece of meticulous exactitude
But the list of them, it has to be ridiculous in magnitude
Sifting through the data and the truth begins to dawn
Dukat kidnapped the boy to later use him as a pawn
But he's made an enemy he can't defeat like Moriarty and Pulaski(2)
Garak's thought more moves ahead than Bobby Fisher did with Spassky(3)
The kid is sent back with his father, reunited eight years older
While Garak tells the doctor truth's just in the eye of the beholder.

1. File clerk from DS9's "Duet", who described his filing system with those words.
2. From TNG's "Elementary, Dear Data", where Dr. Pulaski created a formidable artificial intelligence by simply asking the computer to do so.
3. Competitors in the 1972 World Chess Championship in which Fischer was victorious

The Siege

Originally Appeared Here

Now we're back for part three, Under Siege like Seagal(1)

At the behest of Jaro Essa and his shadowy cabal

They're marching on the city, gonna try a coup d'etat

Seize the power on the planet from the Kai to the Sirah(2)

So Kira and Dax bring the evidence to the ministers

Make 'em hear the facts, Cardies up to something sinister

Next thing they're flying by the seat of her pants

Have to keep trying even if they don't stand a chance.

While Li and Sisko use guerilla war tricks

Bashir setting traps down in Cargo Bay Six

Sisko worries Li's just trying to get killed

Only used to fighting, no use to help rebuild

This hero's just a man, guess he's kinda like Cochrane(3) 

But people need a leader to coordinate like Spock's Brain(4)

The commander reaches out to make peace with the general

BUt soon they find their victory's fleeting and ephemeral

The colonel's got a gun before they turn to look

And then just like this verse, Nalas is off the hook.

1. Stephen Seagal, star of Under Siege and many direct to video action films.
2. Ceremonial leader from DS9's "The Storyteller".
3. Warp drive pioneer and hero of the Federation, who claimed he never wanted to be a statue.
4. Infamous TOS episode where aliens steal Spock's brain and use it to run their society.

Anne Hathaway

Originally Appeared Here

I always get her confused with the girl that married Shakespeare(1)

Maybe I had too much booze with my man Johnny Frakes, here

In Ten-Forward get served on by Guinan

Had to get away, DS9 was too confinin'.

In walks a girl who's one in a million, 

But which one will she choose, Starfleet or civillian?

I tell her, "He's a piker, he'll only take you half the way

Didn't the Captain tell you Riker had his shot at a Hathaway?(2)

I'm hot like a volcano, he might as well be dormant."

There's no way she could say no to Sisko's Peak Performance.

Will may get green-skinned babes like he was Captain Kirk,

But he's saying, "Bye-bye Hathaway" like he was Ensign Burke.(3)

1. Anne Hathaway, 1556-1623, Wife of William Shakespeare.
2. Riker was offered command of the U.S.S. Hathaway in the TNG episode Peak Performance
3. Quote from the same episode.